Okay. So I am a whiner. I'm sorry! If you read all these, then you must not mind too much! HA!
I am now in my 28th week. 10 weeks to go! CRAZY! I am over it though. I am ready to be done. I am still grateful for the experience, and I can't wait for the end result, but I miss my body and my sanity.
Everyone keeps saying to enjoy the pregnancy, because it is actually worse after! Um, I have decided to ignore the advice that trends that way.
I don't sleep- hardly at all. No Bueno. If I ever needed sleep in my entire life, right now is when I need it most!
I had a melt down last Sunday. I got all ready for church, but hadn't had any sleep, and I freaked out. Thanks to hormones and lack of sleep- Once I got over it, I told Dan- "I feel pretty useless, I can't do much, and when I do anything, it wipes me completely out. I am really grateful that I don't have to work- or that I don't really have any pressing obligations, because if I did, I bet crazy Cherish would surface." Crazy Cherish hasn't made an appearance for almost a year thankfully, and I'd like to keep it that way. I'm sure Dan would too.
He is really the sweetest and whenever we pray, he ALWAYS prays for me to get rest.
When I am up in the wee hours of the night- like now- my mind wanders and ponders all sorts of things.
One of the worries I have is: How on earth do we raise our kids in the world but not of the world- especially when it comes to technology? I know Dan's brain says "No cell phones 'til high school" and my brain wants to say that too. But- is that realistic? How do you find balance in holding back but also giving responsibility without depriving their generation of what is essential?
Another worry creeping up is: {Warning-somewhat graphic content to follow} - I am TERRIFIED for labor and delivery. I am terrified about not being able to push the baby out, I am terrified of my private parts being torn and shredded apart! I am simply terrified! It continues to get closer, and I am scared. No joke. I am also scared of ever having sex that feels good again. Told you, graphic. But seriously- I am scared.
In the spirit of documentation- second trimester was totally better than the first. No morning sickness, and a tad bit more energy. As I am in the beginning of third trimester- new discomforts are creeping up. I am a total pansy I think. But the list of discomforts so far for this stage includes: fatigue, night sweats, lack of sleep, not being able to bend over, having Cameron right up in my ribs- ouch-, swelling down there and everywhere, restless legs and cramps, carpal tunnel, etc. See- whining. If I really could just sleep- I bet I would be able to ignore most of this list. And believe me people- I have had several talks with the doc, and tried everything safely possible. I just have to deal.
I LOVE feeling him move though- and it is the weirdest thing to actually "watch" and see him move in my tummy. He really loves it when I exercise, he gets the most active then or after we eat- especially my favorite- spaghetti/pasta.
I am seriously grateful that for a high risk pregnancy, I have had it relatively good and easy, and Cameron is developing appropriately. I won't be sad to give up daily shots of blood thinners though- and headaches and bed rest as needed.
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